Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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