Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
