I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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