I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
