Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
