Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
