I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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