i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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