cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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