You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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