is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
