I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
