We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
