I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize