There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
