I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
