I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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