Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize