Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
