So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
How's work?
Spinning.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
