Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
