How'd it feel making her break her religion?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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