Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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