I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
