So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
