Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize