any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
