so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize