The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
