We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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