I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
