dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
