I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
