You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
