i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
