this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
