If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
