this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
