So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
