Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
