Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He kissed a someone with a penis
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
