I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize