So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
