i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
