I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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