dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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