Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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