I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
