I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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