maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
