What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
