walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
