I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
