I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
