Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
