I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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