I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize