Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My life is pants optional.
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