like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
