if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
