My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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