so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
