He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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