Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
