We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize