I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
