In America we eat man semen.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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