Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
