We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
