i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
