I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
