don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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