And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
