I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
