It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
