Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
