I showed him my bush... on skype.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I didn't notice because vodka
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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