My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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