just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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