It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize