I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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