i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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